Tomorrow's college football:

The (expletive deleted) Southern Cal Hollywood Pretty Boys are favored by 24 over Fresno State. It is way beyond a doubt now that U$C has paid to Have Their Games Fixed, which is all in character for the Phony People of Los Angeles and their Phony Plastic Society. This is a tragedy and a travesty.

#2 Texas is not playing this week.

#3 Miami of Florida, who I hate almost as much as I hate Southern Cal, will probably beat Georgia Tech and may cover the 17.5 point spread.

#4 LSU will drill Ole Miss.

#5 Penn State will lose to Michigan State. They have to, for Michigan's sake.

#6 Notre Dame will run up the score on Sad Sack Sorrycuse.

#7 Virginia Tech will just barely beat Virginia.

Unranked Auburn will punk overrated Alabama and send the Tide reeling out of the top ten.

In the Greatest Rivalry in College Football, Meecheegun will beat The Ohio State and (with Michigan State's beating of Penn State) will win a share of the Big Ten title and hold the tiebreaker over both PSU and tOSU.

Oregon will Win One For Ken Kesey (a former wrestler at the school) and beat instate rival Oregon State.

UCLA and West Virginia (#12 and 13) are not playing this week.

#14 Georgia will mercilessly pound Kentucky.

#15 TCU is idle.

As is #18 Louisville.

What of #'s 16 and 17, you ask? They are Fresno State and Michigan, who are mentioned above.

#19 South Carolina will beat Clemson.

#20 Florida is idle.

#21 Texas Tech will beat Oklahoma.

#22 Florida State is idle. Or maybe the Criminoles are just out committing crimes this weekend.

Upset special...Maryland will beat Boston College.

Another upset special...Alabama-Birmingham will beat UTEP.

Central Michigan will beat Ball State.

Eastern Michigan will beat Buffalo.

Navy will hand Terrible Temple their eleventh loss in as many games this season.

Northwestern will hammer the Worst Team In The Big Ten also known as Illinois.

In a Battle of Schools That Should Just Stick to Basketball, North Carolina will beat Duke. And no one will really care.

Purdue will win, but only because they are playing Indiana.

Tennessee will win, but only because they are playing Vanderbilt.

Iowa will beat Minnesota.

California-Berkeley will beat Stanford.

San Jose State will beat New Mexico State, Or, New Mexico State will beat San Jose State, Or, Who Really Cares Anyway?

Finally, Army will beat Arkansas State.

That is all. At least for college football. In women's college basketball tonight, Michigan will beat Notre Dame. You heard it here first.